Monday, May 11

Man Overboard

The dashboard informs me today that this is my 100th post. When I started blogging, I was confident that the number of posts would not even get to 50 before I lost interest and shut this blog down. As expected, things did not work out quite like I'd thought.

Two years on from starting this blog, writing some good & some bad posts, I wanted this one to stand out; to be pleasant, to be funny, to have some trace of joy rather than angst, to subscribe to hope. I sit here, re-read that line & find that this post will have failed miserably on those counts. And for once, I realize that there is no comfort in routine, in predictable patterns.

A theme done to death is how children want to be adults and once they are, find that it is not as great as they'd imagined. Today I find that it's easier to think of oneself as an adult than be treated like one by others. True, childhood is not the cakewalk Enid Blyton would have us believe, but to understand that it generally is a precursor to the patterns of adulthood is also not something one realizes in time. We live, waiting for & expecting some innocuous, possibly whimsically charming rites of passage to mark our stepping over the threshold. And we continue to wait, all the while having a lurking suspicion that the twists and turns of childhood are present but no longer the same. No longer are the consequences light enough for us to just learn and move along. An old wound, opened often enough, will refuse to heal. And the older we get, the harder it is to recover, regardless of life's lessons and experiences.

Today, at this exact moment, I miss the unthinking loyalty that friends exhibit as children. The fierce, unquestioned support for each other, regardless of whether we are right or wrong. The readiness to take up cudgels (literal or figurative) on behalf of a friend who cannot. As adults, we rationalize. I'm not suggesting here that some readers did not do that as kids... but c'mon. We went with our gut back then... and the gut told us that it takes two to play a game of cricket.

As adults, even with friends, we want to know the other side of the story. Even the Neanderthals among us are dimly aware that another side exists. While we lend a ready ear to a friend's woes, we want to know the reasons behind why X got screwed over by Y, whether Y was in the right, if X even has a case to argue for.

Typing this today, feeling what I am, having lived the last week, I know I have friends. Those who will go out of their way to help me, aware that I would do the same. But I want one who will take up the cudgel for me without thinking. And just like that I know there will not be one.

We are all adults. And in some battles, alone.

Song for the moment: Tequila Sunrise - The Eagles

Update: I do have one friend who will take up the cudgel.


Piggy Little said...

:)i loved it, like all of ur other posts that i have always loved :)

and i loved the theme, the content of it much more. childhood and the unwavering loyalty.

i remember this other really good friend of mine i was having this conversation with once on loyalty ...and what it means and whether under whatever circumstances, it is possible to remain loyal to someone.

i know that even as adults we rationalise. in most cases, we always do want to know the "other side" of the story to be able to decide.

but once in a while, and DEFINITELY, once in a while such a person comes along, who will pick up the cudgels for u. no matter wat. blindly, just like that. wont ask any questions, wont want any answers. just pick up the cudgels because they believe in u so much.

but at the same time, i also feel, it is importantly, bloody important to fight some battles alone. because these r the ones, which are MEANT to be fought alone. always.



girish said...

fighting alone is fine and all but it's nice to know that someone'll watch your back when you go into the ring.

Piggy Little said...

oh they always do, they are just invisible....but always there.

trust me. :) :) :)

if u ve the time pick up this book called astonishing the gods by ben okri. somewhere there in the book is a passage on finding, losing and searching and the whole book is about invisibility.

not directly relevant, but i have a feeling you may enjoy it.


girish said...

I'll look the book up, thank you.

Aruna said...

true....adults always try judge the situation....with an intention to act nuetral or out of enormous curiosity (I think its the latter) they have to have the full story.

But you know what, if you are just looking for friends, I dont have an answer. But if you are looking for adults in general please remember your mom or dad or siblings. They WILL support your actions without even thinking. got three adults. How many more do you want? :)

girish said...

@ aruna - i'd think of parents or siblings as the final safety net i.e. they'd support you (in general) precisely because they are family. as people, who live, learn and meet other people, the challenge is to find friends who will do the same. i think a post on the dichotomy here might be interesting.

welcome to the blog.
keep visiting.

Piggy Little said...

i see the update :) :) :)

girish said...

what update ?? i put up the one on the post the very next day, but that dude wasn't anxious that i advertize.