Skip to main content

This one time, at band camp....

Grandpa, or Bachelor no. 3 to you dear reader, is the poster boy for the school of though which maintains that age and wisdom do not necessarily go hand in hand. And, as grandpa presently looks like he's pregnant with twins at least, we are talking of a rather large / wide poster. None the less, he trots along on the marathon of life, blissfully unawares that wisdom or something resembling it is prostrate on the side of the road about 10 years worth of distance behind.

Now, until I met grandpa, I always maintained that everyone has a 'few' idiosyncrasies up their sleeves. This man however, is the very essence of the words 'eccentricity' and 'idiosyncrasy'. Let me put it this way - these words in the dictionary are one day simply going to have his mugshot posted next to them. As a teller of tall tales, he has no equal in Birmingham. Initially, not knowing him as we do today, we guys even believed a few of his fishier ones. Eventually ofcourse, we realized that this fellow is Baron M√ľnchhausen's father. He also has this quirk of having a personal parallel to any story or experience that someone else is narrating. His version, which never fails to begin with the words "Arrey, this is nothing... when I was in Raipur / Indore / (add place as required)...", is ofcourse crazier, funnier and, it being him, more dubious. And rather raunchy. Very.

His gastronomic philosophy is about as eccentric, changing in phases to suit his whims and fancies. When we first met him, grandpa went on a pulao-making binge that has left Batman and I having lifelong nightmares about that dish. His idea of 'pulao' being rice, peanuts, chunks of potato, turmeric and sometimes, salt. Ye Gods ! Just as we were recovering from this one, he calmly announced that he was adopting a 'Jain Dharm' attitude to food; no non-veg and, for months on end, he insisted on having dinner before sunset. This phase coincided with late fall & winter here, when the sun sets anytime between 4:30 - 5:45 pm. Sigh.....

His latest gimmick involves only making non-veg food during his turn to make dinner. Moi is vegetarian. 'Nuff said.

To be fair to him though, grandpa does have some serious culinary talent which has seen some unforgettable meals made in the kitchen we share with the roaches. He's also very friendly, generous & quite loyal, making him exasperating at times but hard to completely dislike. Grandpa's philosophy of life is simple - he will not 'take any tension' (as he puts it) no matter how messy the situation. No crisis or problem fazes him. Ofcourse, there is a parallel school of thought here which opines that his serene expression in times of disaster is because his train of thought has derailed before it has left the station.

His latest extreme act is taking sauna baths. Nothing so sinister in itself, but he takes one every day for an average of 30 minutes. Now, if any of you have been reading the papers or journals, too much steam or heat isn't exactly ideal for...umm... the family jewels. Since the stubborn bugger won't listen to reason, we lot have shrugged our shoulders and let him be. However, I couldn't help but think that if he carries on broiling himself in this fashion, his 'jewels' won't be 'taking any tension' when push comes to shove either. Hehe...

Song for the moment: Phatela jeb sil jayega - Aankhen (2002)


bhumika said…
i'm sure your roomies don't know that you blog ;)

Popular posts from this blog

Night Boat

I usually don't write honest pieces. They're true to facts but I tend to lather my emotions and thoughts with a heavy dose of attempted humour or misdirection. This post deserves some raw emotional honesty, though.

Yesterday, 29th August, a Tuesday (or should I say, another Tuesday) was about me making choices. It was raining quite heavily when I left for office, sheeted down the windows of the train throughout the 1-hour journey to Churchgate and kept going with renewed intensity by the time I made it to the entrance, looking verily like something that had drowned in a gutter and lain there a while before being discovered by a cat and dragged in. I made the choice to go to work as I suspected my boss would be there and not because I wanted to go.

I was right about my boss but that cardiac fizz of being right flattened out rather rapidly once I realised, around 11:30 am, that no one else from my team of 20 had bothered to make a similar effort. And, some of these guys live 5 …

Last of my kind

(This post hasn't come out as well as I wanted. But I'm still pissed off, so.)

Why do we have heroes? What is it about someone that triggers a decision to nail our colours to their mast? I don't have a neat answer so what you read from here on is both an explanation and an exploration. In a post-modern world driven by counter-points, certainty is a luxury.

I missed the boat when it came to India's ODI cricket madness. We moved abroad in the late 80s. When I left, my friends and I wanted to be Kapil, Kris or Sunil. When I returned, god was getting comfortable on his heavenly couch and all was right with a world I did not recognise. I had missed Sachin's opening batsman debut against New Zealand, the hullabaloo of the Hero Cup and other notable moments. So, I was interested in cricket, not any particular sportsman. Not even during the '96 World Cup. When India muffed it against Sri Lanka, I hurt for the team, not for a player.

Then came Dravid. And, personally, …

Let her go

Have you noticed how we throw things out a lot more than before? Of course, city-dwellers like us have more, now that disposable incomes are the norm. Does it also allow us to dispose of things so easily? I was the object of much mirth/ridicule at work today because I wanted to get a golf umbrella repaired. One colleague wondered if it was worth the effort, another asked why I did not just buy a different one while others chuckled when they realised neither of these thoughts had occurred to me. I trudged off, wondering if they were right. What exactly was driving me to take the trouble?

I think back to to the 80s and living in my Thatha's (grandpa) house. Today's 'use-and-throw' culture would have shocked him to the core. The man was the epitome of prudence. Since we weren't exactly floating in doubloons, the family followed suit. Thatha wore the same watch for over 50 years. A small umbrella, bought by my mother with her first salary, was well on its way to becom…