It's been 5 days. Mercifully, the clock has inexorably ticked away the seconds, minutes, hours and days from Sunday night 9:00 pm to Friday morning 9:00 am. Tick, tick, tick... I'm counting with it, desperately hoping and furiously planning - to make this my last semester and my last 4 months in the most exciting city this side of Boredomville.
I'm back at work; new building, same job. While everyone from the faculty downward is going into raptures over their new premises, I don't like it. The old place was small, pooky, and cluttered and no self-respecting department in any university barring Afghanistan U would be caught dead hanging its sign outside it. But it's eccentricity suited me fine. It was also way closer to home, something I've started appreciating more now that I have to walk 20 mins. in -1 degree weather at 7:30 in the morning. Ahh... the delights of winter.
The best way to look busy at work, I've realized, is to peer closely at the computer screen, frown, nod every once in a while with tsk-tsks thrown in for good measure, mutter darkly under my breath and ofcourse, hope to hell that everyone is buying this play-acting. Can't have a blank screen involved (so far, nobody has exhibited that low an intellect) so, the next best thing is to read blogs. I've spent this week trawling through stuff even the authors may have forgotten. Stuff from March 2006, anecdotes from their first days in college, rants about their jobs, and litanies about life. I come across gems that make me smile (no mean feat, I kid you not), and others that get me sighing and concurring.
Sandwiched between the classes & the work is the thought of the next step. I'll graduate, have 2 obscure Master's degrees and no job in sight. I've found myself looking for inspiration, direction or any sort of crooked signpost that will tell me - this is what you are going to be doing. So far, I see a life of desperation, and it won't be quiet either. This piece I ran across titled 'lost and found' (scroll down and you'll spot it) seemed rather apt, but is not going to solve anything in the long run, methinks.
The point is - I know what I want. I know it will not involve a lot of money, and will definitely involve quite a bit of uncertainty. I'm okay with that. Or so I'm repeatedly telling myself. And pondering when I'm going to live my choices, rather than live with my choices.
If you know what I mean.
I need a mental lubricant to think things through. I'm thinking I should have had a lot of that punch from the night of the 31st, which was one of the better evenings I spent partying... with old friends and new ones, good booze, music and conversation. I'm wondering what cologne a certain someone (if he's reading this, he'll know) was wearing that made him a marked man as far as the ladies were concerned. Oh! well... it was a perfect evening.
Like I said, it's been 5 days. Tick, tick, tick....
Song for the moment: Golden Brown - The Stranglers