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Out of Touch

Dear reader,

Trying to sell anything on OLX is an educational experience. Not the actual selling of the item in question but the attempted scamming. Brazen does not even begin to cover it. If you have ever wondered who is gullible enough to fall for phone-based scams, let me try and explain why the victims, usually middle-to-old-aged and/or uncomfortable with technology are quite blameless.

We put up a fridge for sale yesterday morning. Almost immediately, a lady allegedly called Priya called, haggled a bit and agreed to buy it, saying her male relative would make the payment. Said relative then called and agreed to use Google Pay to transfer the amount. He asked US to navigate, not to the Transaction History section, but the the Bank Transfer option. We said that was not going to happen. He raised his voice in irritation and tried to convince us again. When we refused him again, he cut the call.

Caller number two was a smooth operator, I’ll give him that. Purportedly, Kartik Sharma owned a second hand goods emporium in Kothrud (the way he pronounced it should have been a dead giveaway) and was willing to send someone to pick up the piece in a couple of hours. Then, he cut off contact. The automated “busy” message on Sharmaji’s phone was in Bhojpuri or Bengali; again a fish way past its sell-by date but one lives and learns. On WhatsApp, I explain he needs to make the payment immediately or forsake the fridge. His response is “Ok” so I get on with life. A while later, dear Kartik calls again, yacking about arranging payment. Again, Google Pay is agreed upon and again, I navigate to the transaction history section and again I am met with crickets chirping. When I point this out to our lad, he sends me a QR code for Rs. 5, claiming its a test. I need to scan it and accept the money. When I ask why this convolution, the little contortionist claims he made the payment by credit card which generated the code. I play along and scan the code which shows the UPI of some geezer called Jitendra Kumar Thakur and an option to “pay” and not receive. I gently suggest to Kartik that the sky is blue and the breeze is pleasant, i.e. perfect kite-flying weather. He gets irate too, the daft sod, and hangs up.

Think that was all? It gets curiouser and curiouser. Today, some bloke calls, says he's from OLX and claims our account has been used by Priya (remember her) to swindle someone out of Rs. 12000. If it happens again, they'll report us to the cops. We cottoned on lightning fast that it was a fake call because the schmuck was abrasive as heck; not remotely near how a customer care executive (no matter how shitty the service) would be and tell him to bury his phallus where the sun doesn't shine. 

Now you may find all this hilarious. Again, you may not. Here’s the thing though. I am neither wet behind the ears nor so aged that I’d fall for either of these shenanigans. But I can see why so many people get swindled. These smarmy bastards are quite convincing, pushy and jabber enough to not let you think clearly. The trick really is to slow things down; talk slowly, get them to repeat their spiel, say you need some time to think, and so on. Be careful out there, reader. Data privacy in India is a joke and services like OLX don't really care enough to take effective measures though it's obvious their site is swarming with snake oil merchants.

Here’s an amusing alternate perspective. These guys put in some effort. You have to wonder just how bad the job market in India is that so many youngish people are primed to try and take advantage of us. Meanwhile, Apple allegedly throttles the phone charging speed if you don’t use the original cable. I didn’t believe that but the difference is mind-boggling. They're worth a gajillion bucks too. What a wicked world we live in, Toto.

Anyway, you looking to buy a fridge?

Song for the moment: Self Control - Laura Branigan

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