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Space Oddity

I started writing this on Friday, the 6th of August but couldn't find the clarity of thought or right words to communicate my feelings. Now, a week or so later, I'm giving it another go. 

The Friday was the last day of my 2-year stint at yet another advertising agency. It was only the second time I was voluntarily walking away from a job and the previous incident took place 7 years ago with me very much on the right side of 30. Then, it was a case of choosing to live, eat and sleep normally after a horrible year of work. Earlier that year (2014) I'd actually pushed myself to take a pay cut and move into mainline advertising from healthcare. 11 months later, I didn't care if I ever worked in advertising again, so disheartened was I by the whole game. It took a 2.5 year stint with a good team and a great (eccentric) boss before it felt like I'd turned a corner. Yet, watching the clock tick over to 6:30 pm, I couldn't even fake a smidgen of regret about what was my last working day at this agency, and maybe in advertising too.

I've been in the advertising industry for 11 years and right now I can't quite understand why. Getting into it was happenstance. Getting out (potentially) is a more deliberate stance. Sure, the last year or so was hard, not only thanks to vicious office politics but also the Covid induced practice of working from home. There are enough and more stories of longer hours, stress and frustration from other fields but honestly you guys, if there's one profession that doesn't need further exploitation, it's advertising. The industry seems to be in serious flux, unable to be as confidently relevant as before or, alternately, break new creative ground. It's become boring and pedantic, too many levels on the agency and client side to successfully navigate; an endless Prince of Persia quest, with no princess waiting after level 12, just another vizier. I couldn't do it anymore. 

Burnout? Probably. If your profile says 'copywriter' but you can nary get a word in because "google says shorter text ads are more effective" then haven't you become the tool? I can't be having with that. The thing is, conditioning the mind to not chase familiar patterns of thought or behaviour is HARD. So, while there is relief and a certain level of comfort, I spent quite a bit of last week largely blank. Starting the laptop, signing in every day, interacting with colleagues and clients, thinking of writing something great, settling for penning something decidedly not-so-great, anguish and weariness were part of the day; it was all done with a sense of purpose. The instinctive thing is to replace it with something else. I've consciously attempted not to do that. People who know me think I'll crumble within a month, panic and find myself another job. I'm not going to pick up that gauntlet just yet either. Right now seems a good time to work on myself. 

Song for the moment: Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie

Comments

Anonymous said…
If you don’t need the money, take it easy and lay low for a while. How long? Until you start to actively crave structure. Don’t give in when you start to feel the need for social interaction, or when you start to sense a mild throb of deniable ambition, or even just plain vacuum. All of those are proxies for something else. Only when you start craving structure, are you ready to go back to any kind of employment. If and when you start to feel like you miss having a structure to your day, a kind of cadence that you don’t mind, a pleasantly predictable rhythm that you can use as the refrain for your day-to-day existence…that’s when you know you’re at least somewhat ready. Do not let withdrawal lure you into another inevitable cycle of hope, disappointment, and dejection. And definitely do not go back to something that you know does not work for you. Stay strong!
20 August 2021 at 00:22
G said…
@Anonymous - Thank you. I will keep this in mind.
22 August 2021 at 13:58
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