Sunday, March 23

Bird on a wire

This weekend, I finally made some time to visit (and I use the word carefully) my feedly subscriptions. There were more than 400 unread articles, dating back to just over a month ago. Which coincidentally was also around the time I wrote my last blog post. Those who know me will get where this is going - that the 400 unread articles are a sign that all is not well in Grinch-land; not just because I read regularly, but also because I am rather particular about not leaving things unfinished. 'Obsessive-compulsive' is the phrase you're reaching for I suspect, though that's neither here nor there. Or perhaps it is.

Either way, for me it isn't and wasn't normal. And therein lies the tale; even by the standards of an abnormal industry anyway, it hasn't been a remotely normal month. This should explain it with far more brevity & humour than yours truly is capable of. And because of it, I have been forced to ignore the other parts of my life. Leave aside books and blog posts, those will always be around, I haven't even seen some of my friends and loved ones in ages. This includes close friends who are a 10 minute auto ride away, and my grandma who lives 3 lanes away, for heaven's sake! Not to mention the fact that since the time I joined the current place, I have totally gone 2 months without visiting Pune, which is not a record I want.   

I took up the new job, full of optimism about doing great work and having more fun. It's been 3 months and all I can say is that my optimism was horribly misplaced. Along with energy, inspiration and hope, I have lost 3 kilos. And I'm pretty pint-sized as it is.

My days are either bad or worse. My weekends are no longer my own. More than once, I've fantasized about resigning and walking away from the shambles that masquerades as my workplace. This past Thursday, I was a 'Send' button click away from doing just that. And yet, here I am typing this, knowing that my hunched and defeated shoulders will present themselves in front of the attendance roster tomorrow.

There are many ways to look at this situation, one of which (and my favourite mantra right now) is that the job market is so bad that quitting without another job would be career suicide. Of course, there are plenty of people who can and do casually toss in the following:
  • Success requires some sacrifices
  • You'll get to learn so much
  • You knew it would be this crazy
  • This is the way it is everywhere
  • It will get better soon
And other similarly pithy catchphrases.

I don't know how to respond to these things. Perhaps that is just as well because right now, a reckless response, whether to hollow maxims or the strains of the job, would do me no good. Instead, it is time I took a leaf out of the book of a friend who, by his own confession, thinks things through.

Now is the time for pause, reflection and then, a decision... not that any decision would be carved in stone, though a little peace and quiet on the job front would be welcome. All I know is that I can't go on like this. On that note, ta for now.

Song for the moment: Walls fall down - Bedouin Soundclash           

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