Songs of the not-so innocent

For the chronically nostalgic, there may be nothing more shocking than being able to say "goodbye" and meaning it. Walking away without wistfully looking back. Yet, that's probably what is happening to me. Yesterday, I visited my old workplace for an interview in the mainline department. Yes, the same place I once had a passing interest in a colleague and only later realised that she wasn't about to reciprocate. Considering the maelstrom of feelings at the time and, to be honest, for a long time after, I worried about seeing her again. So imagine the amazement when I found I felt nothing. It feels strange even as I write these words. Sure, I didn't need any butterflies dancing an energetic salsa in my tummy while the heart did a drum solo and mind stepped out to a long lunch. But there wasn't even the weakest hint of my pulse quickening. When I walked out of there, it was with the knowledge that not only was the chapter closed, the book had been returned

The previous post was not titled in a moment of premonition. But there has been a gap. A long pause between posts. And my life. January 2nd, 2014. Will I remember that day for the rest of my life? Probably not. I've suffered my fair share of traumas and forgotten when they occurred, instead holding on to how they made me feel. I'll probably remember the last 9 months as a benchmark for how I don't ever want to feel again. It's a crazy world and people put themselves through crazy things for money. I don't want to anymore. Throughout the stress-filled days, empty nights and every frustration & rage-rich moment, I wondered when I'd say "Enough". I did not reach breaking point. This job, this place is not worth me even trying to push myself to that limit. I simply chose to respect myself. And quit. Song for the moment: Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones